Rp

[ashley]

"We interupt this special promotion from Ashley Dickinson in order to bring you an all new episode of a never before seen series of IRONMAN!!!"

{The screens in our living rooms turn a bright yellow as a slow tune begins to play over our speakers, the name Ironman flashes onto our screens, the tune itself is that from the Spiderman cartoons however it has diffrent words, the words suddenly begin to scroll down our screen.}

"Ironman, Ironman, throwing radioactive Ironweiser cans! Iron Iron Ironman!!!"

{The music stops as an older gentleman appears on the screen wearing a canary yellow tuxedo, he kind of reminds you of a cross between Bigbird and Colonel Sanders. He walks up and down a narrow corridor, there is a sign on a door that says Ironweiser Factory. The man hobbles over to that door and stops in front of it a smile on his face as he addresses the camera.}

"Hello, ladies and gents, and welcome to a brand new episode of Ironman! We all have grown up to love our comic book hero, but no one ever asks the bloody question that ponders everyones mind. Since Ironman retire his tights and metal asskicking boot rockets, what does he do? Well the anwser is right behind the very door behind me. You see after all those years of being alone and not having anyone to save Ironman became a alcoholic and opened up his own beer factory. Today we are his special guests as he gives us a tour of the place and shows us everything, including the drinks secret ingredient which makes it the bext beer in the whole wide world! So now ladies and gentlemen get ready because as soon as I open this door all of Ironman's secrets become yours!"

{With that the man opens the door and the camera man steps inside, we are no standing on a walkway above what looks to be like a beer factory. Except there are a few things a bit odd about this place. For one, there are a whole bunch of midgets running around screaming and throwing beercans at each other. The other is there is only one big vat of beer standing in the middle of the factory floor. Suddenly we see our hero emerge from the shadows. Ashley Dickinson clad in a pair of yellow tights and a Ironman mask over his face is seen running after a midget with a broomstick! Our hero notices the camerman and motions for him to come down the stairs which the cameraman does politely. Soon our hero is standing before us in all his glory a broomstick at his side. He lifts up his mask and takes a deepbreath starting to talk to the cameras.}

Ashley Dickinson: "So you all are probably wondering what in the hell am I doing here? I mean, I know I used to be a superhero and all, I used to fight crime and kick the bad guys all across United States, but come on I'm not god, I age too! So a few years back I decided to hang up my tights, well not literlally since you know I still where 'em as you can see... Well I I guess I can say I retired from my superhero profession and opened this beer factory! It's been my childhood dream to employ all these sweathouse midgets and make them work for only pennies a day. Well maybe it wasn't my dream, but when your wife catches you in bed with a tranny with no explanation in sight, and then divorces you taking your ass kicking suit and forcing you to wear stupid tights... Well you get the fucking picture!!!"

{Our hero wipes a few stray tears from his eyes and then looks back at the camera a smile slowly returning to his face. He begins to address us once again, and like idiots we once again listen.}

Ashley Dickinson: "Okay, let me get a hold of myself... Alright, lets continue to talk some more about this great place! My Ironweiser factory come equiped with hardworking midgets that do just enough work to pump out a vat of my world re-known Ironweiser beer! What makes it so popular amongst people? Wel it's our secret recepie which include our ultra top secret ingredient which I shall show ALL of you today!!! Don't you all feel lucky! Now, if you can please follow me I shall show you this special technique we use to add this tasty ingredient into our beer."

{Our hero walks over to the vat of beer in the middle of the floor and as if on que two midgets wheel out a barrel marked, "Moose Piss" the two midgets open the barrel and pour the contents into the tub. The our hero picks up one of the midgets and throws him inside the vat telling him to splash around in order to mix up the liquids well. The hero turns to us once again adressing us.}

Ashley Dickinson: "Okay look, I've had enough of this playing around bullshit about Ironman. We all already knew that it's Moose Piss he's drinking, and we already know what's going to happen to Ironman at the PPV. But just for those of you who don't I'll tell you what will happen."

{Ashley takes the mask and throws it behind him and then walks over to the stairs that lead to the platform and sits on them. He takes out a cigarette and then strikes a match against his tights ligthing the cigarette with the match he takes a drag before throwing away the match, exhaling the cloud of smoke from his lungs and adressing the camera once more.}

Ashley Dickinson: "This PPV, the Ironman steps into the ring with the most incredible force since Hurricane Katrina hitting New Orleans. This week Ironman won't have the chance to throw empty moose piss cans my way, and I won't have to chase him for it. No, this week it'll be me and Ironman one on one inside the squared circle, there will be nowhere to run to and no where to hide. Ironman will get what he has always wanted since throwing a beer can at me the first night I was here in XVI. Yup, you all might have guessed it, Ironman is going to get an asswhooping that has been waiting for him for quite some damn time. And when all is said and done this week, Ironman will have only one choice in his life, retire and become a recluse in his Moose Piss factory."

Ashley Dickinson: "You see, it's not going to be a beer drinking contest anymore, Ironman may have more experience in the ring than me, but you have to look at my advantage point, I'll be wrestling a no good drunk who came back for more money because he needs to feed his drinking habit. Yes I know it's horrible isn't it? Now you all know Ironman's real reason for being here in XVI. So I guess in the long run you guys won't feel bad when I leave him bloodied and battered in the ring at this weeks PPV event. I came to the XVI, to make a name for myself and this week will be the week where I prove to everyone, here in XVI and to the millions of asshole who doubt me out there in the stands, that I can hang with the veterans and take down pros like Ironman. You see maybe after this pay per view you will all start to respect me a bit more, but than again I doubt all of that."

Ashley Dickinson: "Now I know you guy don't like listening to me balb about how I'm going to kick Ironman's ass at the PPV so... I'm going to leave you with one parting statement... It doesn't matter who wins that world title at the pay per view, because I'm going to be wearing it shortly!"

{The scene begins to fade out slowly as Ashley stand up from the stairs and take one last drag from his cigarette before throwing it onto a midgets head. The midget begins to scream loudly his hair begining to singe off... And then just like that we are brought back to madness, white and black particles of mayhem pelt our screen... Static.}