FeedMyBack.

[Jordan "Bullet Proof" Glass]

|. Hunger&Thirst .| .. please&thankyou.

[~*The Pride of Ireland*~]

You have been doing a great job Jordan. Truly kick ass stuff. I just have a few comments.

I got confused about who you were exactly talking to in Scene 1. Maybe i was supposed to be confused, but was it Alyssa? Because this victory is for that person, is this one of your surprises?

Scene 2 was good. It was kinda awkward about how in your first roleplay, Alyssa talked about how you were out to destroy everything with Makaveli, but your conversing with him freely in Scene 2, Roleplay 2. Very innovative though i will give you that.

And Scene 3 of course is my favorite. I just love the generic run down of the opponent in the middle of the ring type of roleplay. I dont know, it just makes it more entertaining for me. Because instead of listening to either A) too much description or B) Too much dialogue with useless NPC's, i get to read the actually meat of the roleplay, and thats when the main character speaks.

So overall, your doing a fantastic job. I loved the second part of your first roleplay however, it gave me shivers because it actually drew my character into feeling for your cause and wanting to join. If only for a second.

[Jordan "Bullet Proof" Glass]

If the first scene confused you .. then it's good. I'll try and explain a little.

If you've been following my character, he can't remember anything that happened to him for a seven year span. As well as not remembering anything that happened to him, he can't remember anything that happened in general. So if his best friend died, he wouldn't have known .. see where I'm going with this?

As for scene two, the whole taking out Makaveli thing goes into the pissing him off part. Notice that all Jordan did was patronizingly talk to Makaveli, cut him off, and other things that are disrespectful.

Scene three, I love.

My first roleplay, I didn't really like it all that much .. the first scene of it was just some stuff I had to get out of my head, and thats what I use roleplaying for. The second part was my attempt to actually put some meat into the roleplay .. I guess it worked. I tried to create a spooking feel to it, and it worked I guess.

Thanks Corp.

.. anyone else want to respond?

["The" Kobra]

alittle disorienting start but i liked it ^_^> good job jordan

[Jordan "Bullet Proof" Glass]

Thanks Kobra .. anyone else?

[blackout]

Your roleplays seem to be often irrelevant and wordy. I know I am new so my opinion may not matter, but I read a few of your works but I don't see how your roleplays are actually wrestling directed.

[Jordan "Bullet Proof" Glass]

Here, atleast I, try to add some emotion, some backstory, to my roleplays. I don't just make it wrestling directed, and I don't think many people here in XVI do. We are always adding a story to build up emotion in the readers of the roleplays. This is how I've always done it, so I'll continue to write the only way I know how.

[~*The Pride of Ireland*~]

And trust me black out, your opinion is just as valued as the next. So dont be afraid to give feedback.

[blackout]

Jordan if that is how you feel then why do you ask for feedback?

["The New Era Icon" David Calaz]

some people like the way he role plays some dont...

I personally do, because my role plays are sort of the same way, not 100% wrestling orientated as sometimes you need to move away from wrestling to advance feuds or what not so...

*feeds Jordans back*

[Jordan "Bullet Proof" Glass]

I ask for feedback because I wish to see how the members of this site think about my roleplays. I will take advice as to what to do with my roleplays, but some things I just won't change, and using a backstory is one of them.

[~*The Pride of Ireland*~]

most of the time roleplayers wont change the basis of their structure. So what i do instead is just try to to give advice on how some things can be better said, or on ways to improve their preferred RP Style. Although i do agree with Blackout, wrestling oriented interviews and backstage segments tend to get my attention more than out of arena things. But thats because i can visualize the TV Show more than an actual event.

[blackout]

Corp that's how I look at things. I understand using detail and filling people in on where you are from, but using a 'back story' as an actual competing Roleplay shows a lack of ability as a backstory can go on all day. When you have a match against someone the foundation of this is wrestling and that is what the roleplays should be about. It is much easier to write about a labortory experiment gone wrong then it is to continuously make wrestling interviews, fan signings, in-ring appearences and things to that nature. If you want to develope your character then I think you should do just that - in character development not on a show. Just giving my feedback and more importantly. I have been playing these games since back in the day when an EFED was just that, an Email-Fed with Roleplays, attacks, and results where all Email. Then it went to the popular chat room/MSN boards and now they are all over. Times change.

[Jordan "Bullet Proof" Glass]

Well I haven't been here that long, but I have been roleplaying for the last six years, and this is how I've always done it, and it's got me places. I've been complimented on my roleplays many times and people have told me that I'm one of the best they've seen, although I fail to agree with them. What you just said has proved what I meant. Writing constant interviews, appearances and signings are harder to come up with, and they get repetitive, taking out the fun in reading these things. Once you've read "and he entered the ring" so many times, it gets old. That's why almost everyone I know who roleplays doesn't do that very often, it gets old.

[blackout]

No it makes you try harder. You have to come up with new material. When you do stories like you and others, as well as other feds a lot of people just pick up a random ass book and copy a few pages. That is what takes the integrity out of this. Calaz has solid roleplays, Thor has solid roleplays, Johnny Kaos is solid, it goes on of people who can do more than one style of questionable roleplaying and actually keep there roleplays relevant. Like I said it's just an opinion but don't ask and then get defensive because you didn't like the feedback I had to say. Back stories are a development of character as I had previously said. When you have a match that is when the promos are supposed to be back and forths showing who is more wittier, not whomever has more time to write a bullshit novel about ancient times. I have officially fed your back