Post by Possum Person GFX on Jun 3, 2007 22:38:45 GMT -5
"Exotic Cuisine"
How to make stuffed Kobra
The scene opens in a small white tile kitchen with what looks like an oak cupboard set, a long marble counter with a stove and a sink imbedded into the top, and several other appliances against the far wall. Such appliances as, a refrigerator, a dishwasher, and another sink with a trash compacter settled underneath it. The kitchen has an abrupt stop at either end so there is only one wall, and the counter. In fact, the whole kitchen just seems to have been pulled out of one of those old-fashioned cozy family homes. There are lights and microphones hanging from the ceiling but the lights are all turned off. When looking at the rest of the room this kitchen there are four concrete walls and an abundance of equipment, from professional cameras to large potentially blinding lights. There is an army of personnel operating the expensive equipment. The sound of a door opening comes in from the distance. Then Bryan Variety walks in to the replica kitchen. He is in a white apron with black slacks and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows. He seems angry as he storms to the center of the counter; he slams his palms onto the marble and then the lights from the ceiling blaze to life, as well as the large professional ones. The kitchen is now brilliantly bright and Bryan has gone from aggressive to harmless and joyful in 3 seconds. The camera operator holds up a hand with three fingers up, then counts down to zero, which is when the camera begins rolling. Bryan smiles cheerfully at the camera. His grin is obviously fake, and he seems to be having a little trouble holding it. He looks right into the cameras lens and the large lights and manages to only squint slightly.
Bryan Variety
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to-o-o-o… “Exotic Cuisine” with me, your favorite chef for those exciting meals with just a little more spice than your average steak and potatoes, Bryan Variety! Tonight we are going to be cooking a delectable form of, one of my favorite Australian delicacies, stuffed king Kobra with a tangy lemon based sauce.
A man in the back running a soundboard presses a few buttons and then a loud chorus of “ooo”s sounds through the building. Bryan once again plasters that fake smile onto his lips and nods his head.
Bryan Variety
Yes, yes, ooo is right, this is going to be a meal like you have never experienced in your life, I am telling you right now. It is going to be so good that you are going to want to copy this recipe at home. You just wait; you will be drooling on your seats, and your coaches for those of you at home. Now to start, we need the ingredients. You want to make sure you have a half cup of water, at least two lemons, and some blended spices, including salt pepper and chili powder. Now this is for the sauce so were are going to set these aside.
He goes underneath the counter and pulls out a pitcher of water, a bowl of lemons, and a small bowl of mixed spices. He pushes them to the side. He begins to walk toward the metallic looking fridge and pulls out a large package.
Bryan Variety
The most important ingredient is in fact, the Kobra itself. Now you can have this kind the packaged Kobra, but personally, I enjoy making my stuffed Kobra fresh.
He tossed the package behind him and it makes a squishy thump as it hits the kitchen floor. He reaches underneath the counter again.
Bryan Variety
Fortunately, for me, I just happen to have a fresh Kobra, here today. You want to go with the plumpest Kobra you can find and you want to really make sure that it is also well exercised. You don’t want too much fat in your stuffed Kobra.
Bryan pulls out a large glass container, and inside is a coiled up king Kobra. Bryan smiles up at the camera as he places the container on the counter top. He looks down at the snake and puts his hand to his chin. He nods and grins in approval.
Bryan Variety
This will do just fine. Now what you want to do first with this animal is obviously kill it. This is rather simple. All you have to do is grab the Kobra by the tail and then simply swing it until dead. At least that is the best way I have found. If while your doing this the Kobra hits the counter a couple times, don’t worry, if anything that will just kill it faster and most likely get it to just the right texture, saving you the trouble of tenderizing. Ok now I am going to do a quick demonstration for you at home who have never done this sort of thing before. Now you just reach in the container…
Bryan opens the container and reaches in. He grabs the snake by the tail as it hisses and shows its fangs.
Bryan Variety
…and grab the tail. Now you lift it out of the container…
Bryan lifts the snake out of the glass box as it attempts to bite him several times.
Bryan Variety
‘
Now watch out for those fangs, this animal is not about ready to die yet, and its going to fight me for it. What you do once the Kobra is completely out of the perimeter of the container is begin swinging it around. This will eventually lead to its death. So just continue to swing it until its stopped moving…
Bryan begins swinging the snake wildly and hitting its head on the counter several times. His anger is leaking out with each swing as the snake hits the counter harder each time. The snake begins to bleed around the head and Bryan is grinning wickedly as he spins it faster and faster. He then stops abruptly and realizes what he is doing. He paints his smile back on and lays the beaten snake onto the counter.
Bryan Variety
Just to make sure its dead crush its head with your closest large object, I will be using a tenderizing hammer. Yes that will work finely.
Variety grabs a tenderizer from underneath the counter and raises the mallet for the strike when a door is kicked down somewhere in the building with shouts of “Stop! Police!” and “Put the hammer down ass hole!” The camera turns to the shouting and sees a swat team treding through a broken door all pointing guns at Bryan.
Swat Team Leader
The king cobra is a protected species! Take him down boys!
The camera returns to see Bryan and he seems shocked. He drops the mallet and begins booking it for the nearest exit. The swat team follow after as well as the camera as the team take Bryan down. Variety begins rambling underneath the officers. Saying "I need to finish the Job! Just let me kill the Bastard!"They lift him to his feet and he struggles to get out of there grip, they refuse to let go, and he continues to struggle for a few moments, then gives up as they drag him out of the building, his head down, and them reading his rights.
End scene
How to make stuffed Kobra
The scene opens in a small white tile kitchen with what looks like an oak cupboard set, a long marble counter with a stove and a sink imbedded into the top, and several other appliances against the far wall. Such appliances as, a refrigerator, a dishwasher, and another sink with a trash compacter settled underneath it. The kitchen has an abrupt stop at either end so there is only one wall, and the counter. In fact, the whole kitchen just seems to have been pulled out of one of those old-fashioned cozy family homes. There are lights and microphones hanging from the ceiling but the lights are all turned off. When looking at the rest of the room this kitchen there are four concrete walls and an abundance of equipment, from professional cameras to large potentially blinding lights. There is an army of personnel operating the expensive equipment. The sound of a door opening comes in from the distance. Then Bryan Variety walks in to the replica kitchen. He is in a white apron with black slacks and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows. He seems angry as he storms to the center of the counter; he slams his palms onto the marble and then the lights from the ceiling blaze to life, as well as the large professional ones. The kitchen is now brilliantly bright and Bryan has gone from aggressive to harmless and joyful in 3 seconds. The camera operator holds up a hand with three fingers up, then counts down to zero, which is when the camera begins rolling. Bryan smiles cheerfully at the camera. His grin is obviously fake, and he seems to be having a little trouble holding it. He looks right into the cameras lens and the large lights and manages to only squint slightly.
Bryan Variety
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to-o-o-o… “Exotic Cuisine” with me, your favorite chef for those exciting meals with just a little more spice than your average steak and potatoes, Bryan Variety! Tonight we are going to be cooking a delectable form of, one of my favorite Australian delicacies, stuffed king Kobra with a tangy lemon based sauce.
A man in the back running a soundboard presses a few buttons and then a loud chorus of “ooo”s sounds through the building. Bryan once again plasters that fake smile onto his lips and nods his head.
Bryan Variety
Yes, yes, ooo is right, this is going to be a meal like you have never experienced in your life, I am telling you right now. It is going to be so good that you are going to want to copy this recipe at home. You just wait; you will be drooling on your seats, and your coaches for those of you at home. Now to start, we need the ingredients. You want to make sure you have a half cup of water, at least two lemons, and some blended spices, including salt pepper and chili powder. Now this is for the sauce so were are going to set these aside.
He goes underneath the counter and pulls out a pitcher of water, a bowl of lemons, and a small bowl of mixed spices. He pushes them to the side. He begins to walk toward the metallic looking fridge and pulls out a large package.
Bryan Variety
The most important ingredient is in fact, the Kobra itself. Now you can have this kind the packaged Kobra, but personally, I enjoy making my stuffed Kobra fresh.
He tossed the package behind him and it makes a squishy thump as it hits the kitchen floor. He reaches underneath the counter again.
Bryan Variety
Fortunately, for me, I just happen to have a fresh Kobra, here today. You want to go with the plumpest Kobra you can find and you want to really make sure that it is also well exercised. You don’t want too much fat in your stuffed Kobra.
Bryan pulls out a large glass container, and inside is a coiled up king Kobra. Bryan smiles up at the camera as he places the container on the counter top. He looks down at the snake and puts his hand to his chin. He nods and grins in approval.
Bryan Variety
This will do just fine. Now what you want to do first with this animal is obviously kill it. This is rather simple. All you have to do is grab the Kobra by the tail and then simply swing it until dead. At least that is the best way I have found. If while your doing this the Kobra hits the counter a couple times, don’t worry, if anything that will just kill it faster and most likely get it to just the right texture, saving you the trouble of tenderizing. Ok now I am going to do a quick demonstration for you at home who have never done this sort of thing before. Now you just reach in the container…
Bryan opens the container and reaches in. He grabs the snake by the tail as it hisses and shows its fangs.
Bryan Variety
…and grab the tail. Now you lift it out of the container…
Bryan lifts the snake out of the glass box as it attempts to bite him several times.
Bryan Variety
‘
Now watch out for those fangs, this animal is not about ready to die yet, and its going to fight me for it. What you do once the Kobra is completely out of the perimeter of the container is begin swinging it around. This will eventually lead to its death. So just continue to swing it until its stopped moving…
Bryan begins swinging the snake wildly and hitting its head on the counter several times. His anger is leaking out with each swing as the snake hits the counter harder each time. The snake begins to bleed around the head and Bryan is grinning wickedly as he spins it faster and faster. He then stops abruptly and realizes what he is doing. He paints his smile back on and lays the beaten snake onto the counter.
Bryan Variety
Just to make sure its dead crush its head with your closest large object, I will be using a tenderizing hammer. Yes that will work finely.
Variety grabs a tenderizer from underneath the counter and raises the mallet for the strike when a door is kicked down somewhere in the building with shouts of “Stop! Police!” and “Put the hammer down ass hole!” The camera turns to the shouting and sees a swat team treding through a broken door all pointing guns at Bryan.
Swat Team Leader
The king cobra is a protected species! Take him down boys!
The camera returns to see Bryan and he seems shocked. He drops the mallet and begins booking it for the nearest exit. The swat team follow after as well as the camera as the team take Bryan down. Variety begins rambling underneath the officers. Saying "I need to finish the Job! Just let me kill the Bastard!"They lift him to his feet and he struggles to get out of there grip, they refuse to let go, and he continues to struggle for a few moments, then gives up as they drag him out of the building, his head down, and them reading his rights.
End scene
